The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize