My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
