the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
