I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize