I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
