The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
