Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize