Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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