You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
