Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I need water and some morals
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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