shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
