white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize