i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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