I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Randomize
