I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
