You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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