Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
