It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
