Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
