Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
