oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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