I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
