so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You made out with two different species that night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
