It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
