I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
