I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
