Buhtt sex?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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