Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize