I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
