genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
