her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
