I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
