is this the sara with the beer cane?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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