the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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