Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
