You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
