Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
