There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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