I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My hand turned me down
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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