i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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