Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize