I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
