I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
and she was petting her beer can
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Text me some of your sweat
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
