i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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