After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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