i jhust puked up my retainher.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize