I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
