Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
