I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
