I accidentally had phone sex last night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
