Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
