covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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