my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
