Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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