i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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