i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
