Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
