Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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