Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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