Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
