We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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