hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
