You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
