Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
