I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
