Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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