i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
