This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize