A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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