OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
