Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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