I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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