fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
