He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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