Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
soo... how was my night?
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