Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
