just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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