I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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