Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
