If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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