dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
