Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
