I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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