I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
