he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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