You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize