I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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