I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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