Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize