I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
