You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
