Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
